I hope you Savvy 'n' Sassy gals are happy and healthy and living life to the full! Today this blog article comes from Newhaven, Connecticut on a very bright but freezing cold day!
Today's blog is all about finding love after 50. I have some great news for you - it's possible. Some of you Savvy 'n' Sassy readers have shared your stories and I am delighted to share them with you. Thank you. I found my love decades ago but we didn't marry until I was 50!
Elaine and John found love after 50
after meeting at a dance.
Did you know that in the UK over 51% of the population of England and Wales are single? Twenty three million people are divorced, widowed or never married. That's a lot of fish in that big sea!
As more women over 50 find themselves single through choice or not, the subject of finding love again is one that needs discussing. There's so much advice for the under 50s but naff all for the "overs"!
I took a look at dating agencies and it seems that if you are over 60 you are looking for a "companion". Now, that may be true but, given these days the over 60's are trekking the Himalayas and living their life to the full without thinking ,like our ancestors had to, of impending death, many over 60's don't want companions, they want loving relationships.
Much of the media shows older people as being more interested in a good puzzle book and a plate of cheese and crackers! Older people in fiction have undignified middle aged sex involving much fumbling and a distinct lack of heat. My reaction to that is either they have set the bar too low but also at what age is sex ever dignified!!!
Lets not beat about the bush, (pun intended!), the over 50's plus are in the market for love more often than not and you are not too old to fall in love and have another life. To know that in itself is thrilling. Everyone I have spoken to has said it's the best thing they have done and that they feel like teenagers all over again. Rest assured they have not retired physically or mentally.
|Janie & Rob, Corfu.|
Dating as a young person was scary! In my dating days AIDs was new and frightening and there was always that worry about not being good enough or attractive enough or let's face it, experienced enough to be in anyone's eye! Of course, dating as we are older can be fraught but there are lots of advantages.
We are hopefully old enough and wise enough to know what we want. We don't need to put up with any bull from anyone, least of all a new partner. After all, why settle for second best when living as a single woman can also be richly rewarding. We are more confident in the boudoir, hell yeah, we have eons of practise! We also know to look for not just the physical attraction but also the cerebral. What use is a man who is sex on legs but cant hold a decent conversation or who has no passion for anything except the bedroom? #saynotomrdull
Of course there are things we will worry about. Are we attractive any more? Yes, of course you are. Face facts, the person you are likely to date will have wrinkles or no hair! In todays climate of waxing to the 'enth degree so that one resembles a waxed bamboo jewellery box its no wonder we worry if our bodies are good enough.
Let me tell you they are. Rest assured "Mr Right" aint going to be perfect. My husband told me that only women worry about their bodies. Men don't notice our supposed flaws. Bit like when they don't notice dust or cat fluff on the floor really and think to pick it up!
Another worry women often have is being viewed as being silly because they are happy dating and / or in love. What's silly about that? It's wonderful and should be embraced. What's wrong with sexting at sixty or seventy? What's wrong with sending someone you trust a sexy email reminding him/her about what's for dessert tonight? Nothing. If it makes you happy do it. Equally if that's not for you, enjoy your dating and love just how you want to after all it's your relationship.
Getting back into the dating game in many ways is no different than it was when your were in your twenties. You still have your principles, for example, you may want to hold back on having a physical relationship early on. You stick to what you want and as when we were younger don't be pressurised into anything that makes you uncomfortable. By the way has anyone noticed how many men think it's ok to ask you when you last got laid?! They seem to be able to drop into any conversation. My advice is swerve right by these idiots. They are probably trying to work out the easiest, least effort path to get you into bed.
smarmy (smar-me) - ingratiating and wheedling in a way that is insincere and excessive.
Safety is still paramount. Psychos aren't just in their mid 30's you know! Common sense prevails, meet in public places until you know more about them. Let a friend know your plans. Luckily the internet means we can google people and find out more than they realise!
Many couples today meet through the internet. I don't mean through some dodgy Facebook "friend "who is a billionaire Prince and needs a few thousand pounds until his money is released! I am talking about bona fide dating sites where you can at least begin a screening process. I can't recommend any particular agencies as I have not used one however, if you know of any reputable ones please do share in the comments section below or come over to our private Facebook group, Savvy 'n' Sassy Group - Refuse to be Invisible and chat privately.
Obviously as we get older we all have a past. Don't start talking about exes on your first few dates. It never goes down well. Can you imagine a man droning on about his ex wife and her faults or how her spag bol can never be matched?! Zzzzzzzzzz
If and when you get to the sex base please remember that STDs are really prevalent still and you need protection. More women over 50 contract chlamydia than women under 50!
As we age we have less time left on earth than when we were twenty. We may have a family as will your date, you or they may be widowed. The best thing in this situation is to be honest with each other. Be open and frank about the impact of family and the future. If you do that you will be so much happier. Your offspring, regardless of whether they are "grown up" may be worried about your decisions so put their minds at rest but remind them that it is your life, your choice and that of course you still love them. Do it as soon as you both realise this may be the one. It is better to sort it all out now than walk into huge obstacles later on.
|Margaret & Robert|
It just might be that you fall in love with someone from your past. You may have thought about them over the years but believed it was too late. If that's you it might be worth a little investigation! If you discover they are single what's to lose by dropping a non committal email about how lovely it is to find them after all these years! If they reply that's great and if they don't, you have lost absolutely nothing!
This is almost what happened to an old school mate of mine! Barbara found the love of her life decades after last seeing him. To be honest she had given up hope of ever seeing him again. Circumstances had conspired against them and she was at the point of giving up on the whole idea of finding love after 50. A chance conversation with a friend led her back to the man she had thought was lost to her. They met up and have been inseparable since! As Barbara says "he truly is the love of my life". I think you can see their happiness in their photo don't you?
|Barbara & Colin|
Of course, when you meet up with someone after a long time remove your rose tinted spectacles. You and they will have changed in some ways. You might hold different beliefs than you used to or have picked up a few battle scars along the road of life. That said, most people remain the same inside and the changes in us are often only on the periphery. After many years most of us may have exes and families so bare that in mind too. It won't be as uncomplicated as it probably was when you first met but so what? if you love each other it will all be fine!
You could meet your new love anywhere! Don't be put off by local events or opportunities aimed at over 50's. Elaine and John met at an over 50's dance. They have been incredibly happy together for thirteen years now. Imagine if they had decided that dance wasn't for them? Let's be serious, things like that are awesome as they will be full of -peeps just like you, who are probably apprehensive like you but also like you looking for something worthwhile whether its new friends or love.
If you are at that stage in your life when you are looking for or hoping for a new relationship, remember, it is your life and you can never be too fussy about who you choose. Never be pushed into a corner and always trust your instincts. Past experiences may have made you vulnerable and frightened for the future. Do what I do and refuse to be anyone's victim twice. Prior to being with my darling hubby I had been in a toxic relationship and I was scared to try anew.. I realised though that if I didn't get some courage I would forever be a victim. That was NOT going to happen. Take my advice, don't be scared. If you want it you can have it again and have many many years of happiness.
Check out lots more blogs and vlogs at www.savvynsassy.net
Wishing you lots of love and happiness,
Janie S xxx
|Me getting married at 50 in Corfu. Greece.|